That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
