Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
