Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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