The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
