next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
