from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
