My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
