I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
