I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
