I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't put those talents on a resume
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
