When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
