Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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