so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
