If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
