I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
