You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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