she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize