All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
