Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I look better un-naked...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
