Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
