We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize