This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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