you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
