I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
