I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
