It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
