Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
