She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
