How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
