No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
