Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
