so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize