Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
