OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize