Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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