I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
