i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
