I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize