Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
