I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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