I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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