my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
