If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
