yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
