what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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