if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
