the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
