Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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