The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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