the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
