dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
someone owes me an orgasm
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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