The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
