i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
