stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
