he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
