I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I looked at my own cervix.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
