too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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