New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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