i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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