Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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