Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
