so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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