Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
