dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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