I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
