Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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